I once was blind, then I picked up a hammer and saw

At last count there were 700 of these home reno shows on tv – “Fix This House”, “Flip This Dump” “Fix This Flippin’ Dump” and my favourite “Just What The F*** Was I Thinking Anyway”. Btw I’ve sent a proposal to The Learning Channel (slogan: “Violence Disguised As Education”) for a show called “Burn And Earn”, which involves speculation and arson, but I’ve not heard back from them to date.

I’m actually beginning to enjoy these programs BECAUSE I CAN RELATE to finding out all sorts of shit about a “used” house that makes absolutely no sense…whatsoever. For example why did the previous owners paint the dining room ceiling BLACK? Who the hell owned this house, Anton LaVey? (Google it, peeps…)

Actually to be fair we’ve also discovered some interesting if not amusing things about our house, which was constructed during the reign of the Pharohs. Fer instance there’s a bricked-in square in one of the basement walls, which once served as a coal chute (told ya it was old). We also found a pair of gas jets in the walls on either side of the fireplace, to which gaslights would once have been attached.

But my fave was a recent discovery. We have a walk-in attic storage space (supah handy!!!), the ceiling of which has forever been sheets of cardboard covering rotten insulation. Recently I decided to tear it all out, replace the insulation, and cover it with drywall. As I grabbed the first sheet of cardboard and wailed on it with all my might, out fell 2 packs of DuMaurier cigarettes and a 1971 Playboy magazine. Seems the previous owners kids’ used the attic space fer smoke and spank parties. Funny, you never see those kinds of discoveries on the Discovery channel.

Back to the tube. Last night’s show (I can’t remember the name so make up your own) spotlighted a couple who’d purchased an abandoned 3 bedroom house, sight unseen, at an auction. As they opened the back door for the first time they recoiled from the stench and considered calling the police to check for bodies. However as they pried the door open further, out walked a dog and 2 cats.

SOME ASSHOLE MOVED OUT OF THIS HOUSE AND LEFT A DOG AND 2 CATS BEHIND.

This infuriates me. These are living creatures that you have locked in a house void of food and water to fend for themselves, asswipe.

This kind of crime should carry jail time. Seriously, this is abuse plain and simple, and the kind of person who would imprison an animal with the excuse that it’s life is no longer “convenient” needs to be imprisoned themselves.

There’s no shortage of studies linking animal abuse to human abuse, and no shortage of evidence that children who abuse animals grow up with a disregard for life in general, and become abusive adults.

And frankly I can see no better place for these “animals” than in a cage.