Do you know who your friends are?

This is too funny. The other day I received a myspace "message" from a young girl who said she was looking for new friends and she thought my page looked kind of interesting and was I young and cute.

The answers, in order: That's nice, ya kinda I guess, no, and no.

I've had a few friend requests from folks who clearly haven't read anything on my page. True, a stuffed monkey wearing headphones is cuter than the peachfuzz on a bumble bee's butt (and I honestly can't believe I just wrote that) but the truth is I'm not a monkey, I'm a Llama – A LLAMA DAMMIT – IN FACT MY REAL NAME IS ALANNA LLAMA and I was child star until oxycontin and booze stole my innocence and…and…I became a…former…child star. Now I just walk in circles around this ratty pen, my collar tied to a stake, the fur around my once buoyant smile now all gone to mange. The apples and sugar cubes have been replaced by moldy straw and the occasional rotten carrot. Someone threw a hand in here one day. I want my mother.

Soooooo, ya still wanna be my friend?