I am a moving target

I have a sign on my forehead that only drunk people can see. It says “if you are drunk, talk to me”.

Case in point: a few years ago I was watching A Perfect Circle (the side project of Tool frontman Maynard Keenan) at a Toronto venue called The Warehouse. Mid-show a really, REALLY drunk guy came over and shouted above the din “Maynard is Satan, y’know – he’s come here to show us the truth”. Such eloquence, I thought as I tried to will his spittle from the front of my shirt, Kreskin- style.

I mentally constructed several arguments to counter his point, but then thought better of “mud wrestling with a pig” (to paraphrase Dr Phil, or maybe Satan himself) and besides, he might’ve just puked on my shoes.