My 5

I’m not a fan of the “My 5” tv spots. Sure, nice phone feature I guess, but maddeningly inane commercials that rate REALLY high on the “whogivesafuckometer”.

That said, in keeping with the concept, here’s a hypothetical list of “My 5”s that I’D have if I were using something more sophisticated than the Tonka Toys “Fake-a-call” phone that I have.

“My 5” Christian Deities
Father
Son
Holy Ghost
With room left over for 2 apostles


“My 5” Deceased New York Punk Rockers
Joey Ramone (cancer)
Johnny Ramone (cancer)
Dee Dee Ramone (drugs)
Johnny Thunders (drugs)
Arthur “Killer” Kane (cancer)
*trivia note: there are enough dead guys between these 2 bands to make up an entire OTHER band


“My 5” Degenerate Ball Players
Darryl Strawberry (coke head)
Bill “The Spaceman” Lee (acid head)
Ty Cobb (racist asshole)
Pete Rose (gambling junkie – although he still belongs in the Hall of Fame)
Barry Bonds (arrogant dickweed)


“My 5” Social Misfits
Vlad The Impaler
Rasputin
G.W. Bush
Pol Pot
Jenna Hammyhocks, former star of little known Canadian television series “The Littlest Blow ‘ho”


“My 5” Rock stars who died by “misadventure”
Jimi Hendrix (choked on his own vomit)
Cass Elliot (chocked on a sandwich)
“Electric” Les Harvey (electrocuted on stage)
Mark Bolan (parked his Austin Mini in a tree)
Maurice Gibb (weird twisted intestinal thing - ugh)


“My 5” Jazz Musicians Who Died of a Drug Overdose
Mmm, might need a “My 500” for this one…


“My 5” honest Members of Provincial Parliament






“My 5” Crackers
Triscuit
Ritz
Wheat Thins
Kid Rock
Saltine


“My 5” tools
Robertson screwdriver
Ratchet wrench
Nutdriver
Ball Buster (I made this up)
Alcohol