Barium? I hardly even knew 'im!

This past Thursday I went for ex-rays, an "Upper gastro Intestinal series" to be exact. BTW this would make a lousy band name, so don't even considerate it.

I've had this type of procedure before, due to an ongoing acid reflux problem. Acid reflux is one of the very few conditions NOT invented by big pharma in order to sell a lotta drugs, despite all the remedies that are advertised. In a nutshell it's like having heartburn all the time. Pisser.

Anyhoo, the highlight of an upper G.I. is downing a cup of Barium Sulphate. Barium is a chemical element, defined as a soft silvery metallic alkaline earth metal. I know, you're already salivating, I can hear it. Few things spark a Pavlovian reaction more-so than the mere mention of a soft silvery metallic alkaline earth metal.

"Hey mom, what's for dinner?"
"Your favourite"
"You mean...a soft silvery metallic alkaline earth metal???"
"You got it, mister, now go wash up"
"Gee mom, you're the BEST!!!"

Truthfully though, I guess this is the only way of detecting abnormalities in the upper G.I., or "guts" to use the lay term, so whatever. But does it really have to taste like Pepto Bismal mixed with more Pepto Bismal? Mixed with one of those petroleum by-product McDonald's milkshakes? Mixed with more Pepto Bismal? Apparently, yes.

So here's how it all went down. Swallowed a pill cup full of "gas pills" designed to bloat the stomach (believe me, my stomach doesn't need more bloating at this point in life); gulped down a juice glass full of delicious and nutritious Barium Sulphate; rolled around on the x-ray table a few times to mix it all together; laid still for a few shots; drank another cup of Barium; more shots; have a nice day.

Oh well, I suppose it could have been worse, they could have asked me to lay still while they fed 6 feet of half inch flex hose up my ass and took snapshots...oh wait, that's next...nevermind.

pz