Apply directly to the forehead

New game: "Where in the world is George Bush's brain?"

In a last ditch attempt to control the thoughts, wills and actions of those living in a "free" America (isn't that what the Iraq war is about, freedom? No?) G.W.B. is drafting legislation that will redefine certain methods of contraception as ABORTION.

Dear Mr Bush - in order for an abortion to take place there first has to be something to abort. Contraception is a pre-emptive strike against the potential need for abortion. You know what a pre-emptive strike is, correct?

Six months and counting folks, hold your breath...

Holmes on Homes redux

I love watching "Holmes On Homes", it's one of the few shows I actually learn stuff from, but I think they need an "extreme" edition that would only air on cable, late at night.

Each episode would begin with Mike Holmes examining a badly done reno or home construction job, as he does now, but rather than politely explaining what's wrong and why, Mike would launch into a tirade of expletives, screaming himself blue in the face about how only a m***** sh**headed f****g eel-sucking m ***f*** dip*** f**** squid-brained c***** would do s*** f****** work so f***** badly.

Then he'd take one of those Vietnam war style flamethrowers to the place, hunt down the dips*** who did the job, and beat his ass with a nail-studded 2x4.

Hey, I'd watch!

jm